


She's a Rebel

by Magichemistry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Oral Sex, Physical Abuse, Slow Burn, Smut, Threats of Violence, Verbal Abuse, angsty sex, death mention, dirty talking, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-03-22 14:37:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13766247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magichemistry/pseuds/Magichemistry
Summary: You’re Molly Gunn, Human Resources employee of the First Order. Or at least that is your cover. You were trained to be the best spy on the Resistance but the manual didn’t say what to do if you fell in love with the target of your mission.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Oh look, another request I turned into a series. This first chapter is a little longer than usual but I didn’t want to end it without Kylo appearing in it.

"Are you sure about this? There is still time to back out" Poe reviews for the last time the coordinates of the small ship that will take you to your destination. Everything is ready for your departure but he can’t help being nervous.

"Poe, I'll be fine. I got this, don’t worry" you try to reassure him. Even though his form title is Commander, he's also your friend so when you're alone you call him by his first name.

"I like your optimism, (Y/N). But this is not another mission" Poe wouldn’t blame you if you regret it at the last moment. In fact, a part of him wants you to do it.

"I know. But have faith in me" you hold his hand in an attempt to relieve his worries.

You started working with the Resistance doing simple paper work a few years ago, you were living at boring life on your planet when a friend of yours gave you a pamphlet with the symbol of the Resistance saying you should join them to achieve peace in the universe. The pamphlet was full of colors and they sound pretty enthusiastic so you decided to give it a shot. Five years and a lot of training later you're one of the best spies in the organization. Being one of the best was the reason they chose you for this.

"Ok, let's go over the details one more time" Poe sits on a seat on the ship.

"I'm Molly Gunn, I have a degree in Human Resources, I don’t count with a lot of experience but I was top of my class. I want to work with the First Order because I want to contribute to the order of the whole galaxy and they’re the only ones that can achieve it. I have no affiliation of any kind with the Resistance or interest in having it, I have no family because they were killed by them" you recite from memory. You have rehearsed it so many times that you already react more to the name of Molly than to yours.

"Yes, perfect. Now repeat me your mission" Poe puts his hands together and puts them against his mouth.

"Get the most information about the Order in general and especially about their Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. Once I arrive to his ship the Resistance and I will not have any contact in a year. I'll be all by myself. Once the year is fulfilled, the Commander of the Resistance, you, will contact me through an encrypted transmission to plan my removal from that place" you say with all the professionalism you’re capable of. This is the part that scares you most: being alone for a year. Your teammates have given you encouragement by telling you that a year goes by and that they’ll always be thinking about you but you know you still will be alone.

"Perfect" Poe nods, satisfied with what you said. He stands up and starts the engines of the ship. "Please, (Y/N), do not let the same thing that happened to Kiki Camarena happen to you" he takes a moment to stop programming the autopilot to beg his request. Kiki Camarena was an agent who was brutally murdered by General Hux when they found out he was working for the Resistance. He was the spy that has most been able to enter the First Order until now.

"I won’t" you assure him fastening your seatbelt. "May the Force be with you" you say goodbye to your friend, not ready to stop seeing him in a year but you accepted this mission and you are determined to fulfill it.

"And with you" Poe closes the hatch after giving you a long last look.

You don’t know how but the Resistance managed to settle everything for your arrival. You already have the job, your fake ID, the ship with no ties to the them. Everything is ready. You just have to arrive and get to work. This trip in silence is helping you to focus and be ready to be Molly Gunn. A beep from the panel control takes you out of your thoughts. The landing is soon. Time to put on your facade.

The first thing that greets you in the ship is a big blaster pointing to your face. “Greetings, Ms. Gunn. I’m GA-0689. We were already informed of your arrival, I just need to check everything is order” a stormtrooper in the typical white armor tells you. You only nod, aware it’s only a normal procedure. You’re don’t have to be nervous about nothing. You’re practically not carrying anything but your clothes and personal items in a small suitcase.

Once the revision is done, GA-0689 indicates you to follow him. You walk behind him, carrying your suitcase. Everything seems pretty calm and normal here. There’s a lot more of black than in the Resistance and the spaces are big but you don’t get intimidated.

After a 10 minute walk and 2 elevators you finally arrive to Human Resources department. It’s a big rectangle space with no windows with several desks and monitors.

“In a moment your boss will be with you” GA-0689 indicates you before leaving. There he goes, your first friend you think sarcastically.

* * *

 “Ms. Gunn?” a tall slim woman with red hair approaches you.

“Yes?” you answer politely.

“I’m your new boss. Ms. Vonka” she simply says without the typical “nice to meet you” or a handshake.

“A pleasure, Ms. Vonka” you’re on the First Order but you still have manners.

“Follow me. I’ll show you your desk and explain your duties” she turns around walking to the zone where the desks are.

“So, this will be your desk. Please keept it clean and organized. This is your holopad” she says as she hands to you the device. “If you break it, you pay it. Inside you’ll find your schedule, a GPS so you don’t get lost, rules and basically everything you need to know. Now about your duties. It’s pretty simple. You’ll be in charge to manage all the crisis and incidents related to our Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren”.

“Excuse me?” she has to be kidding, right? What kind of job is this?

“You heard well” she looks like she’s holding a laugh. “We had to create this position because of the many incidents with him. The pay is great, just try not to get killed. If you need help or have any question please ask somebody else” she smirks and leave you alone in your first day at work.

Well, Poe is going to be very happy that you will be working with Kylo Ren very close, you try to encourage yourself but Vonka's words about getting you killed resonate in your head.

You check your new holopad, Vonka was right. Everything is right here, even the cafeteria menu. No wonder how these guys are so successful, they're neat and organized. You read that you only have a 30 minute break to leave your stuff in your quarters (thank the stars you will not have roomies) before starting to work.

* * *

 

Once you get back to your workpost there's a guy on it. "I'm Case, Vonka's assistant. These are the reports you need to work with” he introduces himself. He talks like a weaker version of Vonka.

There's a big pile of folders looking like they're about to fall on your desk. "Are these the reports since he became Supreme Leader?"

"No, these are last week reports" he says as you were stupid.

"Oh" you reply stupidly.

When he leaves you sit down on your chair, taking the folder of the top. You begin reading the reports and after the tenth one you realize the whole thing is a joke. Complains such as "Kylo got me Force-pregnant" and "I woke up dizzy, I think Supreme Leader is using the Force on me" are just utterly ridiculous. When you saw the big pile of papers you thought that Kylo was an insufferable savage but maybe the savage ones are his employees.

"Force-pregnant my ass" you utter under your breath before you request an appointment with Kylo on your holopad. You're surprised to see the answer took three minutes.  _Appointment with Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren at 0800 hours in meeting room 2._  Again you think Poe would be happy with all the progress you're making.

* * *

You woke up at 6 am feeling alert, there's no way you could eat breakfast today but you don’t wanna be late so you start getting ready. You take a shower and put your boring uniform on. You take a deep breath before going to your appointment. You don’t want to think this might be the day of your death.

You arrive to the meeting room and note that the doors are open, when you enter Kylo Ren is waiting for you sitting on a big table. The way the Resistance portrait him is false you realize. He doesn’t have a permanent scowl on his face or demonic eyes. In fact he looks pretty young and handsome you'd dare to say.

"Good morning, Supreme Leader. My name is Molly Gunn, I work at Human Resources and I'm charge with all the incidents regarding you and the members of the First Order" you try to sound as calm as you can, without mumbling or looking nervous. You think a hand shake would be too much so you opt to leave your hand at your side.

"Gunn with two n's" this is the first time you hear his voice, it's deep and serene.

"Excuse me?" you heard what he said but you don’t understand it.

"You were thinking that your last name is written with two n's" he explains.

Crap. When you were saying your fake name you were remembering all the times you read the last name written like that. You have to be more careful if you don’t want to get caught. "Yes, people tend to misspelled" you say as you sit on a chair next him and put he folders you were carrying in the table.

"I understand. People tend to write my name like Kyle. Or Crylo. Although I think the last one it’s on purpose" he exclaims casually and you just stare him wondering if he's talking serious or if this a trap. Since you don’t say anything he talks again "How can I help you?"

"I came here so we can work on some reports. For example, this one" you extend your arm to take the first folder. "This is from lieutenant Soreim. She says and I quote: "Kylo Ren is taking my motivation to live somehow with the Force" wow saying out loud sounds even more ridiculous.

"Lieutenant Soreim has no motivation for life because her life is boring and she's stupid. That's not my fault” he shrugs looking bored. He must be sick to hear these kind of complaints all the time. And the worst part is he's not guilty.

"I see ..." you scribble his answer, not sure if it's acceptable. "You know, you're more polite than my boss" you confess. It's not that Vonka was rude or mean to you but you can clearly see she's not a people person.

"Ms. Vonka?" he drags his chair back a little and stretches his legs. It looks like he's getting comfortable.

"Yeah" you nod.

"Don’t get too friendly with Hux if you don’t want trouble with her" Kylo warns you.

"You mean, they are ...?" you gasp surprised.

"Exactly what you're thinking" he gives you an accomplice look.

"But they look more like siblings than lovers" you say and not because of the ginger hair, even their facial features look alike.

"I think that's the very reason they like each other" he shrugs again. You can’t believe Kylo Ren is gossiping with you.

"Oh Maker ..." then you get he's joking. He has just said a joke. A funny one. You start laughing quietly but the more you think about Hux and Vonka having weird sibling sex the more you laugh. Next thing you know, you're laughing out loud and Kylo looks pretty pleased that he’s responsible for it. He's not laughing like you but he's smiling.

"You know what? I'll go over again on all these complains and discard the ones that are stupid so I don’t have to bother you so much" you say as you clear a little tear that formed in the corner of your eye. You stand up grabbing all the folders so you can go back to your desk and do a cleaning on them.

"Molly Gunn with two n's?" Kylo turns his chair to look at you. His eyes looks more shiny now. He's definitely handsome.

"Yes?" you give him a flirty smile.

"You can bother me anytime" he returns the smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo thinks he’s a poet. Somebody stop him.

It's the end of the day and you're in your quarters, organizing your clothes. Second day and you already made contact with the target. Your holopad makes a sound of notification.

_Molly Gunn with two n's, are you there?_

Just a few seconds ago you were thinking about Kylo as the target but now you feel like a teenager again, all giddy eager to answer him.

_Yes?_

_How was your second day?_

_Pretty good I'd say._

_Good. Do you think they can transfer you so you can be my assistant or something?_

_I specialize on Human Resources so I'm afraid not._

_Too bad. Can I see you again tomorrow?_

You can see right now if you ask me to, you think. What's wrong with you, (Y/N)? Keep it together you scold yourself.

 _You need to make an appointment if you want it._  Good, that was professional and correct.

 _Understood._   _Do you know you have a spy name?_

Did he ... Did he just say your fake name is a spy name?

_What?_

_Molly Gunn sounds like a name of a bad ass spy. Are you a spy?_

You exhale a sigh of relief. Maybe the name of Molly Gunn wasn’t so good after all. You wonder who chose it or came up with it.

_Mmm ... maybe ;)_

You officially came back to your teen years, texting and using smiley faces.

_Then I'll have to keep an eye on you, Ms. Gunn._

_Noted, Mr. Ren._

_Goodnight, Molly. Can’t wait for our date tomorrow._

_It's an appointment for work._ You write on a last lame attempt to stop whatever is this.

 _Same thing. I get to see you._ Attempt miserably failed.

* * *

 

The next morning you're on your way to your department, so far your holopad hasn’t told you about a date, ehm, you mean an appointment with Kylo so probably he was just joking about wanting to see you again.

"There she is. The most hardworking employee of the First Order" Kylo is waiting for you at your desk. He spoke so loudly the whole department heard him. Although no one dares to say anything, they pretend they didn’t hear him and continue their work.

"I only have two days working here" you force yourself not to smile. You can feel the glances of the others in you.

"And you've accomplished more than others in a month. Now, come with me, I'm gonna show you something" Kylo heads towards the exit.

"Something as the reports we need to work on?" you ask curious as you follow him.

"No, something as a cool thing you're gonna love" he winks at you and you feel your insides become pudin.

* * *

 

"Um... Supreme Leader? Are these your quarters?" you don’t know how or why but you let Kylo guided you through the ship until you arrived here. Maybe his beautiful face and hair distracted you. Yes, it must have been that.

"Call me Kylo. Or Daddy is good too. And patience is a virtue, Ms. Gunn" Kylo flashes you a flirty smile.

"Very clever, Kylo" you try to keep a decent distance because you don’t know if you'll control yourself.

Kylo sits on the floor with his legs outstretched and his back leaning on his bed, he extends his arm and says "Sit with me".You doubt for a moment if this is a good idea. Poe mentioned you have to get closer to Kylo in order to obtain information so this is what you're doing, right? It's for the mission.

You sit between his legs and he surrounds your waist with his arms. You can feel his strong chest against your back and you're careful not to move your ass a lot.

"Now think about an object you would want to move and just point it with your finger showing the direction you want it to move" Kylo says close to your ear, resting your chin on your shoulder.

"Okay ..." you decide to amuse him and point a black glass that is on a table. You move your arm to the right and somehow the glass is moving obeying your movements.

"Look, you have the force too!" Kylo exclaims excitedly.

"Kylo! You are the one who’s doing it!" you understand his whole plan. You just laugh, amused to see how the glass moves to where you point.

"No, Molly, I promise. The Force is strong with you" he jokes and kiss your cheek.

Your cheek burns when you feel his lips against it. "This was something cool I loved. I'll give you that" you look down to see how his hands intertwined with yours in your lap.

"See? More fun than working" Kylo traces his thumb on your forefinger.

* * *

Kylo reluctantly let you go after you explained that yes, you wanted to stay with him to do more fun things but you really needed to work. And it was true, you don’t want to get fired for slacking and be back to the Resistance in less than a week.

You just wanted a coffee so you went to the break room to prepare one but somehow you're now listening to Case and how he developed a system to organize Vonka's meetings and appointments.

You just nod, annoyed by his voice. You're not sure if he's in love with Vonka or if he wants to be her.

You notice a black spot on your left side and Case's voice becomes nervous. "S-supreme Leader".

Here he is, your  ~~crush~~  target of the mission on the break room of Human Resources. Kylo just stares at Case and moves his view to you.

"Let's go" he says.

"What ... ?!" you feel how your feet are detached from the ground, Kylo has grabbed you by your legs and threw you over his shoulder.

"Kylo!" you complain but he just keeps walking, carrying you as if you weigh nothing.

"Kylo, put me down!" you kick your legs a little, not wanting to admit that a hot tall guy carrying you feels pretty good.

When you arrive at a lonely hallway, he puts you back to the floor carefully and you question him with your eyes.

"You were bored. I saw it on your face" he looks like a kid trying to explain his mischief.

"That's not enough reason to be rude with him" you slap him lightly on his chest. Deep down you're glad you're free from Case's boring chat and that it was Kylo who saved you.

Kylo frowns clearly annoyed. "Everyone here is so boring. They're so gray, so insipid" he holds your face between his hands and stared at you. His honey brown eyes seem like burning. "You're not, you're passionate like the color red and mysterious like the color black. You're bright like yellow, sweet like pink. Strong like blue. You're all the colors, Molly".

And it's in this moment when you accept you don’t want to stop whatever is this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long but there’s smut at the end so it kind of balances it.
> 
> Warnings: a little angst, a smut scene, fluffy Kylo

Six months have passed. Six months of knowing Kylo, getting closer to him. After all, it's the purpose of the mission. Hold on, what mission? You're Molly Gunn here and you just want to be next to him. Some nights you lie awake, your mind and heart having a war. You're taking jumps between shame and guilt to love and passion for Kylo.

You're living a borrowed time. You're living in a tramp. The truth is that nobody escapes from traps. And the worst thing is you don’t have an emergency exit.

You have two hearts almost pulling in the same proportion but it always wins the one that is rotten. Every time you end up doing something that you promised not to do again, a deeper and deeper wound is made, one day it’ll begin to gangrene. But who cares if the wound gets rotten, as long as it doesn’t hurt anymore.

According to your predictions, tomorrow everything can go to hell and it’s just that uncertainty that makes you move forward. Walking on a tightrope, holding your laugh. No idea what you're doing but sure you're doing it wrong.

At the end, you comfort yourself, you think that all the good you've done, the love you've managed to feel, will always be more important and valuable than all your mistakes and bad things.

* * *

 

"Supreme Leader, is there a particular reason why this employee of Human Resources is sitting in your lap?" Hux went to Human Resources to look for a certain ginger person when he found Kylo sitting in your chair and you sitting on his lap. The rest of the employees are used to stuff like that by now that they don’t mind.

"Because she's working. Where do you want her to sit?" Kylo responds as if it were the most normal thing in the world for an employee to work sitting on her boss' legs.

"Yeah, Hux. Have some humanity" you second Kylo without taking sight off of your work on the desk.

Hux processes your words while Kylo looks at him as if he was saying "I dare you to tell me something about this." But Hux knows better and he decides he'll look for Vonka another time during the day.

Satisfied with the bully to Hux Kylo gets his attention back to you. He bumps his nose against your neck a few times and then he starts peppering kisses across it.

"Kylo" you warn him. "Don’t do that." So far the two of you haven’t kissed in the mouth or have done something more intimate. Everything you have shared has been hugs, kisses on the cheek, holding hands and this.

"Do you want me to stop?" Kylo asks worried that he made you uncomfortable.

"..."

"Molly?" he insists.

"No" you pout defeated. Your answer is rewarded with half an hour of more Kylo's snuggles.

"I have to go. Believe or not being Supreme Leader comes with obligations and tasks" Kylo sighs not really wanting to let go. "Will I see you tonight to watch a movie?" he remembers before leaving.

"Mhm" you nod with a smile. You wish all nights could be movie nights next to him.

* * *

A few days later, you’re in a boarding room suffering an enormous pain but you have to stay quiet because you’re surrounded by your work team listening to Vonka's words.

"We have to be wiser and faster. There's no room for mistakes here in the First Order. There's no ..." a loud thud interrupts Vonka's passionate speech. Another thing in which she looks like Hux.

Everyone turns to the door where the sound came and it’s Kylo Ren, out of breath and paranoid eyes.

He doesn’t pay attention to nobody, his eyes only searching for yours and when he finds you he hurries to get to you.

"Molly, are you okay?" he starts touching you everywhere, making sure you're safe and complete. "I felt you were in pain. A lot".

Aware everyone is looking at you, you take Kylo's hand to retire from the place in silence.

"Kylo calm down" you push his arms away, tired of his inspection.

"I felt ... I felt you were in pain. I thought you were being hurt, tortured" he's out of himself, unable to keep his distance.

"It's just cramps" you try to calm him.

"What?"

"The only thing trying to kill me is my uterus" you explain. You're a little embarrassed about the scene Kylo made.

"You mean you go through this every month?"

"Well, some months are worse than others. But I'm used to" you shrug sadly. Cramps are horrible and the true is you'll never get used to them.

"Oh, Molly" now Kylo looks at you like you were a great warrior for enduring all that pain. "Come with me. You're relief from your duties today".

* * *

 

"Here" Kylo offers you one of his black t-shirts. "Take that uncomfortable uniform out and put this on. You'll feel better".

You take the shirt and thank him. You change your clothes in the bathroom and see how his shirt fits like a comfy dress in you.

When you step out of the bathroom you see Kylo unmading the bed, he feels your presence and turns to smile at you. "Lie here, doll. I have an idea".

"You and your crazy ideas" you chuckle and rest in his bed. The sheets are soft and fresh, a pleasant sensation invades your body. Next, Kylo tucks you like a baby and lie next to you above the sheets. He hugs you by the waist and gently put his hand on your belly. You feel how your cramps start to disappear and a warm feeling spreads in your skin. He’s using the Force to relieve you from your pain.

"Get some rest, doll. I'll be here when you wake up" he promises you and you believe him.

* * *

 

"Ms. Gunn, what are you still doing here?" Kylo's voice startles you. It's dark and empty in the Human Resources department at this hour.

"Working. If someone hadn’t taken me to a 3 hours lunch I'd have finished early" you organize the last papers on your desk.

"You look so beautiful today" Kylo approaches you and hugs you, your bum hits the edge of your desk. You giggle a little, cheeks glowing red by Kylo's flattering.

"Molly, if you only knew what you mean to me" he whispers, his mouth dangerously close to yours.

"Show me" you breath out with your eyes closed. You're ready to give yourself to him.

His mouth found yours and immediately you latch to him, giving his tongue full access to your insides. You sigh, content that you're finally savoring him. His kissing becomes more intense and he lifts you grabbing your butt and sitting you in the desk.

Without stop kissing you he starts undoing the jacket of your uniform and next thing you know you're topless. Kylo takes a moment from the kiss to admire your breasts. He's speechless, he can’t believe something so gorgeous and perfect is right in front of him, he's afraid if he moves you'll vanish but the temptation is too much and he ends up yielding, directing his mouth to your right nipple.

"You have no idea" his licking and sucking having you sigh in pleasure "how many times I imagine these" he alternates his attention to both of your nipples.

"I'm so wet" you moan deeply. "I'm so wet for you."

"I know, doll. I know" he kneels taking your boots and pants off. He feels himself hard as he has never been in his life. The friction of his pants against his crotch has him almost coming.

He spreads your legs, taking you by the back of your knees. You are barely sitting in the desk, your pussy already clenching for this gorgeous man kneeling in front of you.

"Kylo ..." you call him in the dark. Kylo's heart swells with proud that it's his name that you're pronouncing like this. His tongue find your little nub and with no place for teasing he starts flicking it. You grind yourself against his mouth, one of your hands on the desk for some support and the other one in his hair, tugging it.

The hand that was on your thigh is now looking for your entrance and Kylo moans when he feels how your hole practically swallows his middle finger. Your screams of pleasure only encourages more, he's willing to give his life in order to make you come, he doesn’t even care if you don’t touch him, this is more than enough for him. Your taste is intoxicating, addictive.

"Just like that" you guide him and he traps your clit between his full lips. You throw your head back when the spams of your pussy begin, you tug his hair harder, ready to let the orgasm invade you. Kylo feels your orgasm approaching too and he groans begging you to give him the honor of coming in his face.

You bit your lip and let out a long loud moan, the waves of pleasure invade your body, you gush all over Kylo's face and he looks up to see your beautiful face in the middle of your climax. He's now the one guiding you through your orgasm, sucking you with his tongue and fucking you with his finger until you don’t need it anymore.

"Kylo" your eyes are glassy, needy for your lover. You need to feel his skin against yours.

"I'm here, doll" he kisses you, wanting to share your lovely taste with you. Meanwhile you unzip his pants and you put your hand on his hot and hard cock. "All this for me?" you smirk as you jerk him off.

"All this for you" Kylo is not only talking about his cock, he means his heart, his soul, his everything.

You jump off the table and bent over the desk. With your forearms on the surface you wiggle your ass, inviting Kylo and his dick to claim you.

Kylo groans deeply and grabs your butt cheeks, spreading them, leaving your pussy and asshole on display for him. He massages your butt for a while until he has you almost crying because never in your life you've felt so empty.

He leaves one hand on your hip to keep you steady and with the other one he directs his cock to that much longed place.

You feel how his cock enters you, splitting your walls forcing them to accommodate to it. Once he's fully inside of you his thrusts begin.

He’s fucking you from behind, your butt slapping against his hips and Kylo bites his lip in concentration, letting the pleasure control the rhythm. With your elbows on the desk, you feel the cold crystal of the desk against your nipples. The contrast sensation only enlights your pleasure.

"You feel so good" he combs and pass his fingers through your hair as he fucks you. "You know how many times I left my dick raw thinking about this? About how you'd feel wrapped around me?"

"Uhu" it's the only thing you're able to say. You rest your head against the desk, just feeling his powerful thrusts. You're too sensitive to come again but just having Kylo inside of you is enough to drive you crazy.

"I'm gonna come" Kylo warns you. "I'm gonna come in this beautiful doll's pussy" he growls and crash his hips against you one more time, leaving all his cum deep inside of you.

Both of you don’t move, you just stay in the same position trying to regain your breath. Kylo hovers you and put his forearms next to yours.

"Molly Gunn with two n's?" he talks against your skin. He sounds exhausted and out of breath.

"Yeah?" you find funny that he still calls you like that.

"I think I love you".


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, physical and verbal violence, threats of torture, rape mention, death mention, angsty sex

You lost count of months ago. You and Kylo are just kids living too fast, causing troubles in the First Order. You want it all and you want it now. You’re a sport speeder with no brakes ready to crash against the wall. With no seatbelts on, you just pump the pedal to the bottom. Laughing out loud till the end. Who cares what the other people might say? Fuck them. You’ll just wave at them, up in your cloud of happiness. Of all the jumps that you have taken, this is the first you feel you’re going to land on one’s feet.  

You’re hanging out on Kylo’s quarters, a few weeks ago he asked you to move on with him. You were practically living with him already, the question was just pure procedure. You have become addicts to each other, fucking 24/7. Like cats you lick each other bodies until you’re dressed with nothing but your spit and then you fuck desperately until you reach climax but it’s never enough. A short rest and then you’re ready to start again. You’re a junkie and Kylo is willing to give you your dose anytime you want it.

“Doll, someone is calling you” Kylo is caressing one of your thighs, you’re both in bed and you’re wearing one of his shirts. They had become your favorite outfit.

You only groan not caring who might be, but the rings is insistent and you don’t want to hear it anymore. You press the green button to answer and put the call in speaker so you can lay in bed again.

“Molly Gunn here” you greet whoever is on the other side of the line.

“(Y/N)? Is it you?” a familiar voice says your real name. “It’s been sixteen months, (Y/N). We thought you were dead”. Fuck. Poe Dameron is the one who called you. And you’re not the only one who recognizes his voice.

You stand up abruptly, looking terrified to Kylo, your eyeballs bulging out of your eyelids. You can see how Kylo’s jaw is clenched and his hands are closed in fists.

“(Y/N)! Goddamn it, say something!” it’s the last thing you hear from Poe. Kylo raises his hands towards the holopad and crushes it in pieces with the Force.

Your mouth is sealed but you don’t have to say anything. Poe has just said everything for you.You walk slowly to the door on a pathetic attempt to run away from Kylo’s rage. You know there’s no escape but it’s just an instinct.

In two seconds Kylo has you trapped, he tugs your hair and dragged you to the bed. You cry in pain and kick your legs trying to keep him away but he’s already on top of you, painfully crushing your arms with his knees.

He buffs like a bull about to lunge and the first hit lands in your face. Then another one. And another one. Three fast but consisten punches. You’re already bleeding and you feel your head spinning around.

“Resistance scum!” he wraps his hands around your neck. So this is it? you think. You’re gonna die choked?

Kylo reads your thoughts and speaks between teeth “You wish. You wish you could die like that Resistance spy we killed. I’ll be the one in charge of your torture and ooh doll, trust me, you’ll be begging me to kill you” he squeezes more your neck and you try to catch air uselessly. “And you know what will happen, doll?” The pet name that so many times he said with love now only sounds with disgust and anger. “I won’t kill you. I’ll let you heal a little so we can start again”.

You try to defend yourself, say something in your favor but his hands have you immobilized. Then he lets go and you breathe a big gulp of air.

“Get up” he orders you but he already has you by the hair again walking to the door.

You just cry. You’re in pain, you’re terrified, you’re ashamed that Kylo has you walking through the whole ship half naked just wearing his shirt.

“I’m gonna treat you like the bitch you are, (Y/N)”, you sob more when you hear your real name on his lips. This wasn’t how you wanted him to say it. He’s practically dragging you to the cells where they keep prisoners and hostages in. Your scalp burns so bad you think he’s gonna rip your hair off at anytime.

Three guards immediately square up when they see their Leader enter with a crying girl.

“Give me a cell. Now” he barks out his order and they obey him with no hesitation. Then he drags you through a long dark hallway until you arrive to an empty open cell. He throws you in with all his strength and you land on your knees hurting yourself more. A stormtrooper closes the door and wait for Kylo’s instructions.

“No one touches her. No one” he makes it very clear. The three stormtroopers just nod and leave.

Kylo gives you one look between the bars and says with malice “Don’t worry, doll. I’ll be back very soon”.

* * *

It’s been hours. There’s no light here. You feel your face is swollen from Kylo punches, your scalp and knees burn and your throat feels raspy. You were trained to react in situations like this, to endure pain but nowhere in the manual said what to do when you fell in love with the target. You sit down on a corner of the cell with your knees and your arms around them. There’s nothing here but an old dirty mattress and a bucket that you assume is the “restroom”. There is some dry blood smeared on the ground too. It feels like a different galaxy down here in the cells. You’re pitying yourself when you hear strong steps coming closer. It’s dark but you’d recognize his face anywhere. You stand up slowly, your knees shaking. You’re so afraid you think you’re gonna pee yourself.

He’s carrying a black chrome metal box and you think if it’s where he keeps his torture instruments. He punches something on the keyboard of the cell and it opens. When he enters you feel like you’re surrounded even though it’s only him. Suddenly he has you trapped against the bar cells, his eyes are red and puffy and he’s breathing loudly, you think he’s gonna choke you but what he does next surprises you more. He kisses you in the mouth with ferocity and desperation. His teeth hurt you when they crashed against yours but what’s a little more of pain at this point? You kiss him back trying to hug him but he grabs your arms and puts them above your head. He starts grinding against you and you feel he has an erection. His hand lowers to your body lifting his your shirt. Setting your panties aside he starts rubbing your clit with his finger tip.

“Do you want this?” he utters so low you almost didn’t hear him. You feel your voice has disappeared so you just nod, hoping he can see your answer in the dark.

“Don’t do this only because you think it’ll save your life. It won’t. But I don’t wanna rape you. Or hurt you”. He’s a walking contradiction.

“I want this” your voice is not fully back yet because of the choke. The finger on your clit stops and he only says “Hold tight to the bars” before lifting you by your legs.

You do what he said  and you surround his waist with your legs. He lowers his pants just enough to let his dick free and he penetrates you in one rough thrust. You whine a little because you’re not wet enough and Kylo feels it too because he asks you again “Are you sure you want this?”

“Keep going” you whisper. This is still your Kylo and you would never reject him. The more he thrusts the more your body reacts to him and shortly he has you sighing for pleasure.

There is no dirty talking or exchange of love words. He just licks the dry blood that is in the corner of your lip and leaves delicate kisses in his handprints on your neck. Soon you’re spamming around him, you don’t moan, you just push him closer to you with your legs until he’s coming in silence too. In the same position he carries you to the mattress leaving you on it. He kneels in front of you and you avoid your gaze.

“Where does it hurt?” he asks with a tone of  worry. You point to your head and neck, you don’t know how but Kylo can see all your movements in the dark. He opens the box you saw earlier and you hear he’s taking something out of it.

“I brought you some ice and painkillers. And some water too” he handles the mentioned items to you. You just take them and try to choke your tears. You deserve the angry Kylo from before, not this caring Kylo.

“Stop. You don’t deserve what I did to you. I exploded and acted like an animal” he puts a trail of hair behind your ear. “I brought you a protein bar and a blanket too” he adds.

“Aren’t you gonna hurt me?” you were expecting to be in pain from his torture by now but instead he’s taking care of you.

“I think you fucked the anger out of me” he traces your cheek with his thumb. “Listen, doll, I can’t get you out of here tonight. Everyone here would try to kill you. But I’m gonna get you a ship so you can escape to a neutral planet. I’ll transfer you some credits too so you can live in peace until everything settles down” he explains you his plan.

“Why are you doing all of this?” you don’t understand how he already forgave you. You haven’t explained yourself or even say I’m sorry.

“Give me your hand and feel how it fits with mine” he pleads you and you comply. Your hands are intertwined the same way that day where he played with you moving objects with the Force.

“See? This is how I know it’s real and I don’t need to know anything else” he declares it as the absolute true. “Now” he stands up from the floor so he can sit on the mattress with your head in his lap. “Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up” he promises you and you believe him. You always do.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Kylo's POV

There's no way to explain how Kylo's heart broke when you received that call from that scum of Dameron. He's no fool so he immediately figured it out who you really were. (Y/N), not Molly. He fell in love with something unreal and now he feels you’re laughing at his face. He shouldn’t have trusted you, he shouldn’t have let you into his heart. How could he be such an idiot?

A red rage blinds his thinking and the only thing he wants is hurt you, for you to suffer the same as he’s feeling. And if he has to torture you with his own hands to make that happen, so be it.

The three punches he gave you were so satisfactory, he admits. But then he saw your lips bleeding, those cute lips that with so much desire kissed him, those lips that so many promises of love told him. If he wants his revenge he needs to think calmly. Beating the shit out of you right now won’t solve anything, but he has to do something with you meanwhile.

He drags you to the cells so he can lock you up, giving him time to think. He makes very clear to the stormtroopers guarding the cells that no one is allowed to touch you but him. He doesn’t want their filthy hands on you. Maybe he'd get jealous or maybe he wants to be the only one to make you suffer. He's not sure yet but no one can touch you.

He gets back to his quarters and lets himself go into a rampage of destruction. It's been a while since he reacted like this but old habits are hard to die. Exhausted and aching from the heart, he sits on the broken bed trying to organize his thoughts and come with a plan.

You're not Molly Gunn, that's obvious. You're a Resistance spy that was sent to get close to him in order to obtain information. That's why you were so kind and flirty with him since the beginning. But then? It was all a lie? He always felt you through the Force and your feelings were as intense as his. Of course you may be trained to control that. But he remembers the call. Dameron said sixteen months had passed. So that means you should have returned to the Resistance before? And it was clear you didn’t try to make any contact with them because they thought you were already dead. And one last thing: when you got up to answer the call you didn’t see who was calling you or the number. In fact, you picked up the call on speaker in front of him. Why?

He needs answers and you're the only one who can give them to him. But he acted like a brute, he called you scum and bitch, he's sure you won’t want to see him, least speak with him. He remembers again your little face full of tears and blood so he decides to gather some ice, painkillers and water. You must be hungry and cold too so he takes a fuzzy blanket from the closet and a protein bar that he keeps in the kitchen.

It's already late when he's walking to the cells, there isn’t a lot of employees at this hour and it's for the best. He doesn’t want prying eyes or gossip about him to reach Hux's ears.

Once he's standing in front of your cell his heart ends up breaking completely. You're on a corner like a scared animal, shaking and crying. When you realize he's going to enter the cell you stand up with a lot of effort, ready to accept your fate.

He came for answers then answers is what he'll get. Before you can react he grabs you and puts you against the bar cells, ready to interrogate you, even use the Force to take the truth out of you. But apparently you made him too weak because he barely sees your face in the dark his impulses make him to kiss you. He's still angry and that is demonstrated in the kiss, but also all his previous feelings for you are coming back like a torrent of water flooding his heart.

It's you. It's really you. It doesn’t matter if your name is (Y/N) or Molly, it doesn’t matter how many times you lied. This kiss is real, this is the only thing that matters. He feels himself getting hard and by habit he grinds himself against your pussy. He searches in your clothes for the little nub he loves to touch and starts rubbing it. But then he remembers the reason of his visit and that you're probably agreeing with this because you're scared of him.

"Do you want this?" he utters low and feels you nod. That's not a good answer for him. "Don’t do this only because you think it'll save your life. It won’t. But I don’t wanna rape you. Or hurt you." Of course it’s not in his plans to kill you but he has to be 100% you want him as much as he wants you. He really doesn't want to hurt you, especially in a sexual way. 

"I want this" you assure him but when he thrusts inside of you he hears you whine and you're not even wet. He asks you if you're sure and he's about to pull out when you trap him between your legs and tell him to keep going. He obeys you and after a minute he feels his dick getting wet with your cum. He doesn’t hear your usual moans but he knows you're feeling good. He’s about to kiss you but he remembers that your lips are hurt so he just licks the dry blood that is in one of them. You taste sweet. Everything about you is sweet. Then he leaves kisses in your neck as an apology for his handprints marked. When he feels you spamming around his cock he let's go and push as deep as he can, his legs shaking a little for his orgasm. He carries you to the mattress and kneels in front of you. There's something off, you must be still angry at him and he understands it. He tries to fix things a little by asking you where do you have pain. You just point to your neck and scalp and shames invade him knowing he's responsible for it. He gives you the things he brought with him, hoping you'll be more comfortable in this tiny cell. He senses your thoughts about deserving the worst version of him and he can’t believe it. There's no way you deserve something like that, you deserve all the good and precious things in the universe. He tells you to stop thinking like that, he wants to make you understand that it wasn’t your fault he lashed out on you like that. He feels you're still afraid but less than when he came, you ask if he's going to hurt you and he almost laughs wondering how can you ask that when you just gave him the best orgasm of his life just minutes ago.

He came up with a quick plan so you can be save and out of here. Everyone saw how he dragged you in here, they know you’re a traitor. His heart hurts thinking you won’t be with him anymore but it’s for the best, as long as you’re safe he won’t be selfish keeping you here.

You still don’t understand how he already forgave you, you're confused and he's looking for the words to explain to you that he loves you, that he'll die for you, that you're everything to him and that you've been marked in his heart. But there are no words in the galaxy to express all of that so he just takes your hand in his so you can see how you two belong together. It seems it works because you're calmer now, so he urges you to rest a little before your departure tomorrow. This is the last night you're spending together and he has no plans to sleep. He wants to see your sleepy face waking up and give him your first smile of the day. But certain guy named Poe Dameron has his own plans and unfortunately they interfere with Kylo's plan.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four years ago my grandma passed away. Today I miss her like the first day. 21 years with you, 4 years without you. I carry you in my heart, always.

The sound of an alarm wakes you up, for a moment you think you’re with Kylo in bed and the alarm is ringing. You’re looking for the snooze button and reality sets in.

You’re still in the cell where Kylo took you yesterday, there’s no sign of him and you wonder if last night was a dream. But the warmth of the blanket tells you the opposite. So, where is he?

A stormtrooper arrives in your cell and opens it immediately. “Ms. Gunn, we need to evacuate! We’re under attack! ”

So yesterday you were Resistance scum and now you’re Ms. Gunn again? “But I have no clothes or shoes” you talk back. You’re still only on Kylo’s shirt and with no socks or shoes on you don’t wanna run.

“There’s no time!” the stormtrooper pulls you by the arm and literally drags you several corridors down. The alarm is still sounding drilling your ears, you see people of all kinds running from one side to another: soldiers, employees, even some droids.

“Where’s Kylo?” you’re jogging trying to keep up with the stormtrooper.

“Supreme Leader is busy defending the ship but he gave me instructions to protect you at all costs” he answers as you head to the boarding area.

So that’s why he wasn’t there when you woke up as he promised? It hurts but you understand that he’s leader of this powerful organization and as a good leader he has to face an attack.

A tremor echoes throughout the ship and you lose your balance, there is smoke and sparks everywhere and you have lost sight of your bodyguard. You scratch your knees again and they burn from all the damage of the last hours.

“(Y/N)!” you hear someone says your name among clouds of dust. But you’re so disoriented that you can’t see who it is. You try to scream but your lungs are full of dust.

“(Y/N) you’re alive!” Poe Dameron comes out of a cloud of dust and hugs you. “We came to rescue you. Let’s go!”

“No, Poe wait” you’re really thankful that despite all this time your friend worries about you to the point of organizing a rescue mission. But the problem is that you don’t want to be rescued. “I don’t … there’s something I need …” you stutter. There’s too much noise, too much chaos.

“Later, (Y/N). We need to get out of here now” he drags you with his blaster aloft. What’s wrong with these men? Since yesterday you have been dragged by the arm for them without giving you time to say something.

"No, Poe!” you try to break free but Poe stops you.

“(Y/N), you’re in shock. Look how they had you: without clothes, beaten” Poe is confusing everything.

“It’s not that, I …” you suddenly feel how your mind becomes fuzzy and your eyelids heavy. You look to Poe and see him with a kind of syringe in his hand. He has just sedated you.

“It’s okay, (Y/N). We’re going home” it’s the last thing you hear before you lose consciousness.

* * *

 

“You’re petty bumped out and a little dehydrated but you’ll be fine. Nothing too serious” a smiley doctor explains to you as you’re sitting on a stretcher. Poe is attentive to her words.

“And what about, you know?” Poe points to your head giving an understanding that if you’re mentally well. Since you arrived at the Resistance base you haven’t said more than a few words, such as “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know”. You look gone, with a lost look.

In your defense everything happened too fast. You had more than a year living a dreamy life with Kylo and in 24 hours you were beaten, locked in a dirty cell, forgiven, had sex and rescued by the Resistance. Your mind is trying to process everything.

“There’s no way to know but with time” the doctor tries to be empathetic with you. No one knows what happened when you were there alone in the First Order, but they imagine that you went through horrors. “You can shower and change your clothes now”.

“NO!” you scream startling Poe and the doctor. “I wanna keep this shirt” you pout like a bratty child in a lower voice tone.

“But (Y/N) you can have new clean clothes. You don’t have to keep that dirty rag” Poe thinks that maybe you’re suffering some kind of trauma.

“I said. I. Wanna. Keep. It” you groan between teeth, clinging to the shirt with more strength.

Poe frowns in confusion and sees your hands grab the edges of the shirt. Maybe you need some time to adjust he thinks.

* * *

 

You pass the time hidden in your old quarters, this place feels so foreign to you. At night you can’t sleep, you don’t feel tired, your eyes refuse to close to get some rest. Then at day you feel stunned and sleepy. You’re in a loop of apathy and disinterested in everything. Several times Poe and others have wanted to come to visit you but you always pretend that you’re asleep or that you have a headache.

Life seems so useless and empty without a pair of brown golden eyes to look at you and certain dark raven hair to comb at night.

You hear a knock at your door and you roll eyes, not willing to open the door or ask who is it. You stay on your bed, waiting for the visitor to leave.

“(Y/N), it’s me, Poe” you hear through the door. You just want him to go away. After a moment of silence your door is open and you’re annoyed that he doesn’t respect your wishes of wanting to be alone.

“Hey” he greets you and drags a small bench to sit in front of you. “We’re worried about you”.

“I’m just tired” you hawk, you haven’t used your voice a lot since you came here.

“Is there something I can do for you?” Poe insists on helping you but no one here can help you. You only shrug, waiting for him to get the hint that his presence isn’t welcome.

“(Y/N) I think I gave you enough time to recover. You need to talk to all of us” Poe’s voice hardens. You just stay silent. There’s nothing to talk. At least not with them.

“Tell me what happened” Poe insists again. But this time his gaze isn’t as smooth as the other times. Your right hand starts shaking and your tears threaten to sprout.

“That’s Kylos Ren’s shirt, right?” he says as he looks at your clothes. Since you arrived here, you haven’t taken off the shirt. He doesn’t wait for you to respond to what he already knows. “We have intel and footage that prove you were involved with Kylo in a romantic way. I didn’t want to believe it but I guess your silence confirms it ”.

You feel your tears about to burst, you’re sad because they separated you from Kylo and at the same time you feel guilty for having betrayed the Resistance.

“(Y/N) (L/N), you’re under arrest for the charge of treason against the Resistance. You will have the right to a trial and in the meantime you will be locked up as a precaution. Please put your hands behind your back and do not try anything” Poe gets up and pulls  a pair handcuffs out of his back pocket. So he was ready to arrest you? Since when did he know the truth?

There’s nothing more to say between you and him. You know there’s no point in trying your run. They already accused you once of treason, what difference does it make one more time? You get up slowly and turn around with your back to Poe with your hands behind you.

“Now you’re gonna meet the ugly face of the Resistance” Poe threatens you while securing the handcuffs.

* * *

 

A week has passed since you were removed from the First Order and another week since you’re here locked up in a cell. You have no privacy here, no shower, the scarce food is disgusting. And the worst: you don’t have Kylo with you.

The first few days you cried to dry your tears, but now you don’t want any of the guards to feel sorry for you or think you’re weak. You clung to Kylo’s shirt as your last piece of sanity. It kills you to think that he probably believes you abandoned him.

So far you have seen no one from the Resistance but you’re sure you’re the most hated and despised person by them. You’re thinking about this when you hear someone is coming. You look up from your bunk and see Poe carrying a tray of food.

You give him the silent treatment and he puts the tray down the floor. You’re sure you look horrible with bags under your eyes and dirty hair but you don’t care, you’re not gonna beg him.

“(Y/N), I talk to the jury. If you show regret or say that you did it for the mission your sentence will be lower” Poe is the one to start the conversation.

“Never” you reply dryly. You don’t even look at him.

“(Y/N) you know the punishment for treason, right?” there’s a hint of desperation in him.

“I do, but I won’t lie. I refuse”.

“You’re so stubborn. What the hell happened to you?” Poe rubs his face not being able to understand what happened to the best spy in the organization.

“I fell in love” you admit. You’re sure he won’t understand it and you won’t waste your time trying to make him understand.

“You’re gonna die for a guy who doesn’t even care about you. I hope it was worth it” he starts to turn around to leave when you finally look at him straight in the eye.

“You know what, Poe?” you stand up angrily, tired of his claims. “It was totally worth it. And I’d do it again just to meet the love of my life.” you stand near the cell bars, grabbing them. Your faces are close.

“That’s Commander Dameron for you.”

* * *

 

You were informed that the day of your execution will be today at noon. The jury who came up with the decision will be the only present. They gave you the right to a shower, clean clothes and your choice of meal. You accepted everything but the clothes, you want to feel Kylo as close as you can so he can give you the strength to face your death. You know you don’t have the Force but you remember how Kylo told you he always sensed you, you’re not sure how close you need to be so it can work but you try it anyway.

You think you heard a noise at the west of the cell but you hear footsteps approaching and you know that the time has come. You close your eyes, you barely breathe and you start to tremble. You just pray to the Force that it doesn’t hurt too much, that the suffering ends quickly and that Kylo and you are soon reunited in eternity.

You listen to the door of the cell crawling and someone approaches you taking you by the shoulders. So this it. Your last day on the galaxy. You look up opening your eyes, wondering if it’s Poe the one who came for you.

It isn’t. A pair of golden brown eyes stare back at you and you feel a breath of life hits your heart.

“Kylo” you stutter, not sure if you’re having an hallucination.

“Molly … I mean (Y/N)” Kylo smiles and shakes his head. “Sorry. Old habit”.

You laugh with him for his joke. For being here with him. For everything. “You came for me” you hug him practically clinging to him.

“I always keep my promises. And I promised you I would be here when you woke up, right? I arrived a little late but what matters is that I’m here” he leaves a kiss in your lips and another one in your forehead. “It’s time to go. Your ride has arrived, doll”.

You nod and take his hand when Kylo looks at you up and down. "Is that my shirt?”

You shrug saying “I wanted to have you close”.

* * *

 

You walk through Resistance members and soldiers, protected by the presence of Kylo no one dares to say or do anything. Of course some stormtroopers have them gagged so that helps too. You see a familiar face looking at you, Poe’s lips are quivering of rage and you come closer to him.

“Poe” you’re not sure what to say. He was your best friend for many years and you don’t want things to end up like this.

“The next time I see you I’ll kill you with my own hands” he spits at you and you understand there’s no return point to the two of you. The friendship you shared is already lost.

“Geez, friend. Take a chill pill” you mock at him. If he already hates you, a little joke can’t hurt.

You return to the security of Kylo’s arms and whispers him in his ear “Please don’t hurt them. At least for today. Once in life they were my friends”.

Kylo only nods, willing to give you everything you ask for.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! If you’re still reading this series, thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed it.

Once Kylo’s ship is out of the planet orbit you allow yourself to relax on the seat. You can’t believe just a few hours ago you were waiting for your execution and now you’re here escaping with his help.

“I didn’t want to leave you” you rush to explain to Kylo. No more lies. The way he has behaved with you, it’s worth not hiding anything from him. “But Poe, he practically dragged me to his ship, and there wasn’t time for anything”.

"Don’t worry, doll. I knew what happened. I shouldn’t have left you in that cell but with the attack, I have to command the troops” he grabs your hand and smiles at you. He’s just so happy that you’re with him again.

“Where are we going?” you ask just to make some conversation. The destination doesn’t matter as long as you’re with Kylo.

“We’re going to the planet of Bardotta”.

“Uh?” you’ve never heard that name.

“It’s a little remote but you’ll like it. It’s famous for its art and music. It’s full of warm seas, lush forests, and mountains. We’ll have a good time” Kylo’s words sound promising and you’re excited to meet a new place with him.

“How long will we stay?”

“Don’t worry about that, doll. We spent two weeks apart and our bodies need to catch up” he smirks and you know what does that means. He takes you by the hand and guides you to the bedroom. The last time you made love it was in a small dirty cell so this time he plans to take his time.

* * *

“Two weeks of vacation for the two weeks we spent apart. Seems fair, right?” Kylo is hugging you from behind while you admire the cabin you’re staying in. It’s in the middle of a dense forest, there’s a lot of green and silence.

“Kylo, it’s beautiful!” you’re in awe trying to assimilate everything.

“You’re beautiful,” he says with emphasis and kisses you on the cheek. “We’re spending the week here and on the weekend we can go to the nearest town”.

You turn around so you can look at him from the front. You bump your nose against his and whisper "I love you” to which he replies “And I love you, (Y/N)”.

* * *

The cabin has two floors, a rustic style and it looks cozy. The first thing you do is light the fireplace and make love slowly in front of it. Kylo’s skin looks beautiful with the reflections of fire. Once you’re finished, you cuddle together in a bunch of warm blankets, just talking about everything and nothing in particular.

“You know, now we have two names each” Kylo jokes as he caresses your back. You’re snuggling against his chest and your legs are tangled. “I’m Kylo and Ben and you’re (Y/N) and Molly”.

"What if you like Molly more than (Y/N)?” you ask after thinking that maybe now you won’t get along.

“Molly or (Y/N) you’ll always be my doll. I don’t care about a name” he relieves your nonsense worries. “Besides, now that I think about it, (Y/N) suits you more”.

You chuckle and get free of his arms and blankets, going to the kitchen to fetch some food for the two of you.

* * *

You spend the next two weeks getting to know each other. But for real this time. You tell him about your childhood, your real full name, the stories that are part of your life and he does the same. Nothing is hidden between the two. You actually spent more time talking than fucking but you enjoy it anyway. It feels like meeting an old friend that you haven’t seen for a long time.

On the last Sunday of your vacation, Kylo takes you to a restaurant that is in town for dinner. The place is small and the owners are the ones that serve. You order a pasta with garlic oil and share with Kylo a bottle of red wine. Then, he surprises you by ordering a dessert called Toto Basket. It tastes kind of chocolate ice cream.

“Do you wanna take a walk?” Kylo asks you when you step out of the restaurant.

“Yes,” you pass your arm over his elbow and begin to walk aimlessly. There are some tourists here and there but it’s a quiet place. You can hear music coming from somewhere. You lean your head on Kylo’s shoulder, sighing and feeling full and happy.

He suddenly stops walking and stands up in front of you. “I have to go” he puts his hands on your shoulders.

“Eeh?”

“I have to leave tonight” he repeats himself. His gaze has turned sad and his eyes look glassy, like if he was holding tears.

“Why do we have to leave?” you’re sure you can leave tomorrow early in the morning. You still have one night to enjoy.

“No, I meant I have to leave. You’re staying here” Kylo says with all his regret.

“What are you talking about?” you don’t understand what’s happening. His words are like cold water hitting you in the face.

“(Y/N), you were part of the Resistance. I understand you have principles that don’t go with the First Order. You’re a good person and I don’t want to ruin that” Kylo twists his mouth and looks away. Although it hurts to say this, he knows is the best for you.

“But I can’t go back with them” you can’t and you don’t want. You thought you were staying with Kylo. What was the whole point of rescuing you and taking you here if he’s going to abandon you?

“And you don’t have to. The original plan is still up. You can stay here, at least for a few months, then you could go everywhere you want. The cabin is yours. I also book a room at a hotel near here if you prefer to stay there. You don’t have to worry about credits. I took care of that too. The First Order will not persecute you, as Supreme Leader I declared you are, in fact, an ally to us” Kylo says and you remember the plan he told you about when you were on the First Order cell. You reflect on his words for a moment, and part of what he says is true. How can you change sides so drastically? And if what you have with Kylo doesn’t work? What would happen to you? Better to finish things while you can.

“I’m gonna miss you” a tear escapes from your eyes and you hug him hard, trying to memorize how his body feels against yours.

“Doll, you have no idea the torment that will be living without you” Kylo’s voice breaks and he surrounds you with his arms. This is the last hug and you wanna make it last as long as you can but at some point, you and Kylo split up.

“You are the love of my life. Don’t ever forget that” he has your face between his hands and then he kisses you. You accept his kiss with your heart open, trying not to sob so you don’t ruin it. You take him by the neck and let your tongues join in a dance. You’re sure you were going to use the memory of this kiss when things get hard for you. When it’s finally over, Kylo let’s go your face and smiles so you don’t worry about him, with the last look he turns around and begins to get away from you down the street.

You watch him leave, getting lost among the people. There he goes, the only man you’d ever love. After everything you’ve been through you’re letting him slip away from your arms. React, (Y/N)! Are you gonna give up just like that? Fuck your principles. Fuck the Resistance. And especially, fuck Poe. There goes the love of your life, more and more far away and you’re here standing without doing anything.

* * *

Kylo doesn’t turn back because he’s sure if he sees you he’s gonna regret his decision and come back to you. It’s for the best he repeats himself. The best for whom? Because he feels like shit and he’s sure you feel the same. Suddenly he feels a pair of arms embrace him from the back and when he turns around he sees that you’re smiling at him.

“Doll?” he’s confused but can’t help but smile.

“I want to stay with you” you smile and bite your lip, sure that this is the life you want with the person you love.

Kylo feels his heart is about to explode from happiness. You’re the one making this choice, even though he gave you the resources to start over, away from him.  You’re choosing a life with him and who is he to deny it to you?

“Let’s go back to the cabin, doll. We still have one more night of our vacation”.

**Author's Note:**

> Raise your hand if you know who Molly Gunn and Kiki Camarena really are. 
> 
>  
> 
> Come say hi to me: tumblr.com/bad--bad--man


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